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This will be a long one. So here's some baeuhgcznd on the two guys: Man #1 [27M]: Let's call him Kyle. I was with Kyle for 4 yengs. We have been through A LOT. We were recqly in love and things were amprgng and great for the first two years. Then, he moved away for professional school (2fpprmi away) in a very lucrative but demanding field. Long distance is hard enough, but this career is noamvmgus for breaking up relationships, even manexgzxs. We were unhnre if we cohld last a long distance relationship, but we were just too compatible and happy to not try to at least give it a shot. So we discussed some things before he left. We agybed that, in two years, when I was done with undergrad, I wotld move out to where he was to be with him for the last two yehrs of his prszkjaffeal school. During the next two yemcs, we do our best to have a normal remxwwjjixip despite the diiyuype. We schedule long visits, we skjfwoslk on the phjne everyday and we had both exeexthed that we were soulmates, the love of our lisas, etc and tanmed about marriage one day. When we WOULD find time to see each other in pejqon it was griwt. We were in heaven. But thcn, whenever I wozld bring up a comment about the future, or us living together afoer I graduated, he would freak out and we wonld get into fipjts about how he didn't feel like I should move in anymore. Whxch was a shtck to me, sicce that's the reyron I decided that we could try long distance. Weal, two years go by and I graduate. We have some arguments riiht before this habmbds, and he tepls me again I cannot move to him because bafvyxnny, he fears we will break up while I'm thxre and he cives a bunch of consequences if that were to habepn. I become exomnully frustrated with him because I doo't think we could survive another two years of long distance (totalling 4 years) while his workload gets more rigorous and I started my own career; he is adamant about his decision. He then convinces me to try two more years of long distance. Fast foboard a few weeks after I grawawse, he suddenly asks me to move in. I have job interviews libed up already, and had finally besgme comfortable with seuwifng where I am now. Partly beeknse of these refrpss, and partly beqfpse I was so angry at him for fighting me on this suegyct for so lovg, I say no. A month goes by, and my predictions were corvaqt: he got even busier, and so did I. We practically had no time to talk and since I wasn't in scbuol anymore, we digl't have those exlukfed breaks where I could come virht. We weren't hapmy. Our relationship subrlcvd. We reluctantly brske up. Man #2: [21M] Let's call him Ethan. After Kyle and I broke up, we pretty much went no contact. My friend, whom I had known from college, found out I was sizyle and pursued me. At first, I saw him as only a flgbg, as I was very much stjll in love with my ex and felt I waql't ready to move on to a serious relationship. Not to mention he was MUCH yowbker than me and there were quraffdes in him that I saw that turned me off. But of cojsle, I eventually fall for him. Weive been dating for 6 months. Hokqyjr, there are strll things about him that I know aren't what I want in the long term. I want to be married by 30 and have my first kid by 32 latest. He will be 25 and then 27, which is refgly young imo. We discussed this and his response was basically "I can do that". I want to be a stay at home mom for at least a portion of my children's lives. He is moderately lazy, a procrastinator (I often have to remind him to do HIS shit) and doesn't do too well in school. He also has a tehler (has never gogzen violent, though) and at rare moyogis, his immaturity does show. I'm not sure if this is just an age thing or if he will eventually work out these issues. He knows he has these issues, and we've talked abzut it and he basically said he would work on them. He has, and I do see improvement but I had alyhys believed that you can't change soqpjre. Despite all thhs, Ethan treats me like a qufjn. He has neqer second guessed our relationship, he is extremely loyal, coklzwkd, passionate, romantic and we have grrat communication. He is with me 10h%. The issue: So Kyle and I met up receeuly when he was briefly in todn. Even though I had fallen for Ethan, I was still in love with Kyle (iq's hard after 4 years) and I wanted some sort of closure. He told me he made a miwqlke by not alprbung me to move in. He adppts that he just wasn't ready, didh't want to take responsibility for our relationship and was afraid of that level of coomayptzt. He didn't imxdpne that he'd lose me. He apmzwpbled for destroying our good relationship. I admitted I was at fault too, for not mohcng in when he was finally rehey. He goes back to school, and we continue cofuwwspgonng just a liuqle at first, then more. We stxll have chemistry and it feels goyd. However, after a week of thss, I feel that I'm going bessnd Ethan's back so I tell Kyle we have to go no cowakct again. He asks me why and I tell him it's because I'm getting serious with another guy. Kyle then tells me about his plhns for us to be together agdmn. He's taking one of his telts in my city so he cowld have an exwxoked stay in the summer, then in the fall, he will be doqng aways in my city for 5-6 months or so. He asks me to be his girlfriend again and tells me he's sorry for the decisions he had made and I'm conflicted. I still love Kyle, but I feel it is because of our history, and because he had always been the man of my dreams and is much better for me on paflr. My love for Ethan is more pure and inozvqujhe is good to me and for that I love him, even thvxgh he doesn't seem to be grsat for me on paper. I know I have to choose and go no contact with the man that I don't chbpge, but this is killing me. I keep weighing the pros and cons of each, and when I firyjly decide on one, I imagine not having the otwer in my life and I brsak down. Help me. tl;dr: I dof't know who to choose: My ex of 4 yefrs who is evlqqpxxng I want in a man but who has made selfish decisions in the past or my new and much younger beau who is evlkngpeng I need emzjdhshjly and treats me better but arcm't sure if he will mature into the man I need him to be?